This orange booklet was actually supposed to be a diary. But it is, maybe in part. Waking up in the hope that the congested bronchus and abrasive throat, accompanied by periodic fevers and sweats, would be over, I experienced my first disappointment of the day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Disappointment connects this morning with a straight line to last night, when, during a brief phone call with Jess, my pent-up frustrations escaped from my ailing body. After 17 years together, after 9 years of marriage, I still don’t know why I let myself go completely with Jess – in a Freudian way I could dismiss it as intimacy – and besides, or by extension, what signal, what tone or word combination allows Jess to completely dissolve my self-image, leaving behind not only something that is useless, but that also lies in the way, like a dead rat on a ship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hmm\u2026 let’s revisit Freud then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After 17 years together, after 9 years of marriage, she has become my mirror, which I look into and the reflection she gives me is clear and honest and unchanged. Without Jess I wouldn’t know myself. But, at least until this appeared on paper, we were both unaware of these roles. And maybe the light will shine brighter if I don’t force this role on Jess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Emme comes to me and I get a spontaneous hug.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Written on July 3, 2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This orange booklet was actually supposed to be a diary. But it is, maybe in part. Waking up in the hope that the congested bronchus and abrasive throat, accompanied by periodic fevers and sweats, would be over, I experienced my first disappointment of the day. Disappointment connects this morning with a straight line to last…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-168","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-orangebooklet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stories.squaredant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/168","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stories.squaredant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stories.squaredant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stories.squaredant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stories.squaredant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=168"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/stories.squaredant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/168\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":204,"href":"https:\/\/stories.squaredant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/168\/revisions\/204"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stories.squaredant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=168"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stories.squaredant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=168"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stories.squaredant.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=168"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}