I was sent home by Kelly today at 4:15 PM. “So you don’t have to run to catch the train!” And indeed, I was able to take it easy, walking and enjoying the first signs of spring, tulip trees (Magnolia) whose first flower calyxes started to reveal themselves from the down cocoon in which they hibernated. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
At this time \u2013 about 15 minutes earlier than usual \u2013 it is still quiet in the metro. The students who will come in large numbers later are still leisurely chatting at the entrance of the metro station.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No rush today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My goal is to take this relaxed environment with me so that my attitude at home will reflect something similar. Because nowadays an oasis of peace does not automatically spring from my attitude, or from my choice of words. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Last Friday, for example, on International Women’s Day. The end of a busy week for the whole family, the evening as the ideal time to put our feet up in front of the TV. For a moment I even thought \u2013 mentally gasping for air from all the impressions and activities of the past week \u2013 to let the cello session with Emme pass that evening. A voice in my head that I should listen to next time (always the damn next time!)!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Result: I was a constant threat during her practice, a barrel that inevitably, after about 10 minutes, got sparked, a father yelling at his – until then – hardworking and motivated and concentrated daughter with clear but completely innocent features of a 7 year-old, who bursts into sobs, her mother jumps in, an arrow hits me right in my prefrontal cortex and my awareness of the damage done lights up before me and keeps me wide awake for the next 7 hours. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today, on Monday evening, the flower cup closes again and prepares for a pleasant night’s sleep.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Written on March 11, 2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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